18 Ways to Tell You’re in Southern Maryland

imagebot (9)Now that we’ve lived in Southern Maryland for three months, we’re reminded of the area’s unique charm. So here is Hereditary Insanity’s list of eighteen ways to tell that you’re in Southern Maryland. Props to my husband, Matt Fisher, for his help.

  1. “It’s in a big white farmhouse” isn’t a specific enough direction.
  2. Neither is “Turn right at the old tobacco barn.”
  3. Nor is “It’s off Old Solomons Island Road.”
  4. Your kids are calling adults “Mr. or Miss (first name).”
  5. You can’t get beer or wine in the grocery store but you can get liquor at the drive-through.
  6. You have to drive 20 miles out of your way to get around the river or the bay, or 30 miles to the closest bridge.
  7. Kids get two snow days and a two-hour delay for every predicted flurry.
  8. A background check to volunteer at school takes longer to complete than a top-secret government clearance.
  9. Every menu lists at least four crab dishes: Whole crabs, crab soup, crab cakes and Crab Imperial.
  10. You pass slow drivers on their right using the turn lanes.
  11. Snow one day and seventy the next is perfectly normal.
  12. You can hit rain, snow, fog and sun within a 10-mile radius.
  13. If you work in DC, you get buzzed by Air Force One on your way to work.
  14. If you’re wearing blue and gold, someone will undoubtedly ask, “Which boat did you serve on?”
  15. You can buy crabs, hay and produce at the same roadside stand.
  16. If you miss one roadside stand, there’ll be ten more on your way.
  17. You can’t spit without hitting a sculpture made of crab pots.
  18. Crab pots are readily available at Walmart.