Book Excerpt: Kernels of Summer

Summer’s almost over, and I wanted to post one more summer memory. I didn’t eat corn on the cob for twenty years after this. I did start eating it again a few years ago, but the impact of the sweet corn still haunts me.

I looked down at the golden-lace tablecloth, through to the green vinyl beneath it. “What are we having?” I asked.

“Spaghetti,” Mom said, “And corn.”

“Do we have sauce or are we using ketchup?” I asked.

“Sauce.”

“I don’t want any corn,” I said.

“But I boiled some for you,” she said.

“Please Mom, no,” I said.

“Well, I guess your father will eat an extra corn-on-the-cob tonight,” she said.

I used to like corn on the cob. Mom would make it, and I’d spread margarine and sprinkle salt on it and it was sweet and juicy, especially in the summer. Once mom bought some frozen corn-on-the-cob in winter and it turned the boiling water blue. That was yucky corn.

We always had fresh corn every few weeks or so in the summer. Until Dad discovered the farm stand. The first time he stopped at the farm stand on his way home from work, he bought a whole paper grocery bag full of corn-on-the-cob. The corn was all white with tiny kernels that popped when you bit into them, the juices spraying your nose. It was so sweet it felt like dessert. The butter and the salt would mix with the sweet and I thought this must be where Cracker Jacks came from. My dad said they called it “Silvertip” corn. We loved it and we had it with every meal, no matter what else we were having. Yiaya had to cut the corn off the cob because of her capped teeth but she loved it too.

The next week, Dad brought home another full paper grocery bag, before the first bag was finished. That was the eighth day in a row we’d had corn, and I was starting not to like it so much. It still tasted good, but even chocolate ice cream gets played out after eight days.

“Isn’t this great, Thina?” my dad would say. “Not like that horse corn you get at Shopwell.”

“Why is it horse corn?” I asked.

“Because it’s yellow corn, with big kernels like the kind they feed to horses.”

“Why do they feed it to horses?”

“Because it doesn’t taste very good,” he said. “Not like this,” he licked some of the butter off his corn. “You don’t even need butter on this corn,” he said.

“But you put butter on it,” I said.

“Oh, well, I did, but you don’t need it,” he said.

My mom brought us our plates. “Mom, do we have cheese?”

“Hang on a second, I’ll bring it,” she said.

“Thina, can you bring more margarine?” my dad said.

Mom put the grated Romano on the table and went back for the margarine. I shook some cheese on my spaghetti. Mom brought the margarine, put it on the table and sat down. She reached over and grabbed the salt out of Yiaya’s hand. “Mother! No alati! Your blood pressure!”

Then eho pola (I don’t have much), Thina!” Yiaya sat there looking mad.

“Thina, where’s the bread?” my father asked.

“Oh,” she slapped her hand on the table, “the bread.” She got up to get it, cut it, brought it back to the table. I was halfway through my spaghetti and my dad was on his second piece of corn.

“Have some corn,” my dad said.

“I don’t want any,” I said.

“Why not? It’s delicious,” Dad said.

“We’ve been eating it every day. I’m sick of it,” I said.

“Oh, how could you get sick of this corn?” he said.

“I just am.”

“You’re missing out,” he said.

“I’m sure we’ll have it again,” I said.

When fall came, my dad came home with a big bag of apples. I used to eat apples, before he brought home grocery bags full of Red Delicious. Sometimes he brought cider and doughnuts. I never got tired of those. But the apples, yuck. We never ran out of apples. We always had a basket of them on top of the dryer in the laundry room. We kept the potatoes there too. Since we rarely ran the dryer, we used it as our “cool, dry place” to store fruits and vegetables. The beginning of apple season meant more than just an influx of Delicious apples. Apples symbolized the definitive end of summer. I loved the bright reds, yellows and oranges of fall, but if there was some way I could have put them off, I’d have kept eating that damn Silvertip corn every single day.

Just What I Needed!

Ahhh, I feel so much better. A few weeks ago, I complained, in great detail, about my mommy burnout. At the time, I couldn’t see past my own misery to comfort my husband through a sudden, tragic death in his family and I felt horrible about it. I was hurting so much already that I just didn’t have any emotional energy left.

It felt good just to talk about feeling burned out, but I needed more. I needed to take action. And I’m happy to say that I did.

Immediately following the burnout post, we had houseguests come for a week. For a couple of days, I took care of them, but on the third day, I escaped to a grownup world. Every August, I attend a writers’ conference. This year, my conference just happened to coincide with my houseguests’ visit. Even better, my houseguests were primarily interested in seeing the kids, so they got their wish. While I commuted to the conference, and Matt worked at home, our guests entertained the kids.

Three weeks ago, I would have been happy to go to an execution, just to get away from being a mommy, but the conference was a hundred times better. I looked forward to it all year, and it didn’t disappoint. For one thing, I got to converse with grownups for a few days. And they didn’t just view me as a mom. They viewed me as a writer – a peer.

As if grownup conversation wasn’t enough, I got to attend seminars on the craft of writing. Since I’m not a Starbucks scribe, writing is a solitary practice for me. I don’t get to sit in a room with other writers and talk about writing. I try to improve my work with every piece of writing, so I love learning to hone my craft.

To top off the conference experience, I got to pitch books to literary agents and publishers. I’m really happy about how my pitching sessions turned out. I hate to say it because I’m superstitious, but people wanted to see my work. Publishing professionals are really busy, so they won’t waste their time unless the work has potential. That’s what I tell myself anyway. Most attendees believe that pitching is the biggest part of the package, and they’re right – unknowns don’t command five minutes of an agent’s or publisher’s attention any other way. But for me, the conference was so much more.

Attending the writers’ conference did wonders to perk me up and soothe my child-weary soul. Oddly enough, I ran into one of the moms from preschool there. We got to know each other better and although we did discuss one kid’s birthday party, we talked about writing most of the time. I won’t mind discussing the kids next time I see her but it’s great to know that we have something else in common.

On the fourth and final day, I was going to skip the seminar, but I couldn’t get enough grownup time and that seminar was my last chance before heading back into momdom. The extra time paid off and I went home feeling good – like a respected, competent adult.

I’ve been feeling good since the conference, but I’m still learning to take care of myself. The other day I wanted to go through the car wash. The car wash is my eight-dollar pick-me-up. I don’t do it for the car. I do it for sheer enjoyment. I just love going through the car wash, sitting in the middle of the bubbles, listening to a great song on the stereo. I have always loved going through the car wash and I regret the demise of the giant mops and brush scrubbers they used to employ. They were so much fun to watch.

I usually go to the car wash when I’m feeling down, so the other day, I almost stopped myself. I thought about waiting until I really needed it. But I talked myself into it. I realized that taking care of myself meant going to the car wash even when I felt good, so I could maintain my happy demeanor. I realized that I didn’t have to wait and that I shouldn’t, because it’s easier to prevent burnout than to cure it.

I’m planning to do more self-care. I just had a birthday, and I plan to take advantage of all of the free stuff I got from marketing promotions. Last night I had my free Red Robin burger (Yum!) This week, I’m going for my free chiropractic adjustment. I also plan to use my free ten-dollar gift card from World Market. Birthdays, and current marketing practices, remind us that we are special, and offer us opportunities to treat ourselves as such. We just have to remember that we need to treat ourselves all the time, not just on special occasions, because burnout can incapacitate us at the worst times, and we never know when those will come. Now I’ve learned that preventive care requires a lot less effort than recovery. But I’ll just keep that to myself and go to the car wash whenever the mood strikes.

Fun Fridays!

It seemed like a good plan. Good on paper, anyway. This year, Rose would go to preschool four days a week. Christian would go to the babysitter three times a week. Both would have Fridays off. On “Family Fridays,” the kids and I would do something fun.

Last school year, Rose went to preschool four days a week because that’s all her school offered. On her day off, I’d send her and Christian to the babysitter so I could work. This year, her school offers a five-day program. So what made me think I’d want her to have Fridays off?

The idea hearkens back to the days before preschool, when Rose and I would do fun things on Fridays in the summer. We used to go to a farm to pet animals and pick vegetables, or to the playground, or to a “spray park” where she could play in a fountain. I miss those days.

But two things have changed since then. One, Christian came along. Because she’s three-and-a-half and he’s not even a year old, they have different skill levels, so if we go to a park, I need to focus almost all of my attention on him to keep him happy and his mouth empty. It stresses me out when all I can do for Rose is make frantic intermittent checks on her whereabouts. Now “fun” things with both of them are not fun.

The second thing that’s changed is my work. “Fun Fridays” was facilitated by my four-day work week at my “real” job. Rose went to the babysitter on my work days and come Friday, I felt a little fun was in order. And it was fun. Now that I’m freelancing, I have to work harder to get work, do work, and make sure I work on my books. And work is picking up.

Nevertheless, I still thought Fridays “off” would be fun. This past Friday I was still on the fence about another preschool day for Rose and I thought I’d make our day the deciding factor.

Fun Friday

Christian woke me at 6:30 a.m. I lay on the couch while he played until Rose got up at 7 a.m. She wanted a roll with butter for breakfast. Proud of her New-York-style choice, I defrosted her roll and gave it to her. As soon as she got it, Christian honed in on the scent, rushing to beg for her food.

“Nooooo!” Rose whined, scooching up higher on the couch.

“I’ll get him,” I said, getting up.

I tried to get him interested in toys on the other side of the room, but the lure of the roll was too strong. He would not leave Rose alone. I told her to eat at the dining room table. She went over, put her plate on the table and walked away.

I checked my email on my phone. I had a message from my editor that I’d missed yesterday. She wanted more info in a blog post I’d sent her. I rushed to boot up the computer and send her a response. I said I would work on the post today but might not get it to her until the weekend. She seemed accommodating, but not happy, so I began the rewrite.

“Waaaah!” Christian had bumped his head on the coffee table. I picked him up; comforted him; tried to put him back down but he cried. I sighed and sat down with him in my arms, looking nervously at the computer. I had to get that post in. When Christian was through with me, he wiggled out of my arms and I went back to work. I added some detail to the post when, “Moooom!”

“What, Rose?”

“Christian’s playing with my Barbie.”

“I’ll be right there,” I said while I finished typing my sentence. I went over, pried the Barbie from Christian’s claws, distracted him with his fire truck and said, “If you don’t want him to play with your toys, you should play with them in your room.”

“No, that’s okay,” Rose said.

I went back to my work. I finished the post and took a break before proofing it. As long as I’m working, I thought, I should get out those emails to the agents I met.

I started to compose an email to one of the agents who’d asked to see the blog.

“Mooom, when are we goooiiing?” Rose whined. We had a lunchtime playdate. I was bringing the BLT’s.

“Not yet, Sweetie. Why don’t you pick out a bathing suit for the wading pool.”

“Okay.” She ran to her room. Christian crawled after her, then took a left into the bathroom – the accident-soaked potty bathroom that Rose uses. I scooped him up, closed the door. He started crying.

“I’m sorry, Buddy, we do not go in Rose’s bathroom.” He kept crying. I put him in the Jumparoo. He cried some more and I coached, “Jumpa jumpa jumpa!” He jumped, realized he liked jumping and kept it up. I looked at the time. I had to start the sandwiches. I laid some bacon in a pan and put it in the oven, then I went back to the computer.

I read over the blog post. It looked fine. I sent it. Then I turned my attention to the email. I read the paragraph over. It looked good to me, but it was going to an agent. She could reject me for the slightest mistake.

Christian was crying again. I got up, looked at the clock. “Are you hungry, little guy?” I asked. He beamed. I went to mix a bottle. He cried and reached out to me. I picked him up, made the formula with one hand, warmed it, sat down and fed him. When he pushed the bottle away I went back to the computer. I read my message again, pasted it into an email, and sent it. I needed to send a link to one more agent but I smelled the bacon so I went to check on it. Not ready yet. I sat down to send the second email. I read it over one more time.

Oh…my…GOD! I saw that I’d opened with “Thank you for meeting with me,” and closed with “Thank you for meeting with me.” With only 40 words in between. I really was that grateful, but I thought, Oh God, she’s going to take one look at that and write me off. I’m screwed.

“Mommy, I want one of these,” Rose said, pointing to the fruit basket. “A purple one,” she said.

“Sure, Sweetie, you can have a plum,” I said, and got back to work.

There was nothing I could do but make sure the next agent got a better email. The first one just wasn’t meant to be, I reasoned. I continued to chastise myself, though. What was I thinking to send something to an agent on a day that I had the kids? How stupid am I? Nevertheless, I sent a perfect email to the next agent. At least I could feel good about that.

“Mommy, I had some of the big tomato,” Rose said, standing at the trash can.

“You WHAT?” I said, running to the trash. There it was. My only tomato, meant for the BLT’s. She’d bitten the middle all around, like an apple. I picked it out of the trash, slammed it back in, “DAMMIT, ROSE! I told you you could have a plum or a peach. I did not say you could have a tomato! That was for our lunch, Rose! Now we have no lunch!” Rose cried and ran to her room.

I felt horrible. I just yelled at my kid for eating a tomato. Most parents would kill for their children to eat a vegetable and here I was scolding her. It was our only damn tomato, though. We’d have to get a new one, which meant stopping at the store, unloading both kids, getting one item, and loading them back into the car. I knew why I was mad, but I knew it wasn’t fair to her.

I went back to her room and apologized. I said I wasn’t mad, but I had told her she could have a peach or a plum and next time she should ask before taking anything else. She kept crying. We took deep breaths and finally she calmed down. As I walked back toward the kitchen I smelled the bacon. Shit! I rushed to the oven. The bacon was fine. I took it out and set it on the stovetop.

It was time to prep the sandwiches and get going, so I shut down the computer. As I pried bacon from the pan, I thought about “Fun Fridays.” I concluded that there was no such thing. I booted up the computer again and emailed Rose’s teacher about adding Fridays to her schedule. That, I realized, was really the most important email of the day. I’m so glad I got it right.

Kids Today!

The other day, as my daughter Rose told us a story about the polka-dotted flamingo she gave her imaginary sister, our 14-year-old houseguest shook his head and lamented, “Kids today!”

He’s been here for almost a week, and I’ve only seen the top of his head. His eyes are focused on his smart phone, where he lurks on gamer forums, looks up random tidbits on the web and worse, feels the need to share all of it with us.

“What would you do if the internet went down?” I asked him today.

“I didn’t have internet for a week at my house, remember? “ his grandmother offered.

“What did you do then?” I asked.

“I watched TV. Plus 3G was up the entire time.”

In six days, not one original thought has made it past his lips. Probably because not one original thought has made it through a synapse. If he has had an original thought, he’s quickly quashed it with ready-made media.

Kids today!

Is this typical of the next generation? I know they’re tech-obsessed, but are they all this tech-obsessed? I guess if they weren’t, they’d never have discovered texting and driving, right? I’d hate to write off a whole generation, but maybe it’s apt.

Our houseguest could be an extreme example. He’s never had any social skills. Last year he was more social, because he forgot his Game Boy charger, but everything out of his mouth was either about a video game, a racial slur or this annoying fake laugh that he developed and perfected during his visit. At least the laugh was original.

But what if all kids are like him now? If they are, we’re looking at an economic nightmare in ten years, when they enter the workforce and companies depend on them for fresh ideas. Fortunately, we still have kids like Rose, who use their imagination. Our job as parents is to nurture it.

“They’re not getting a data plan,” my husband said of our toddler and infant last night. “Their phones will be for emergencies only.” I’m sure that in practice they’ll talk us into giving them a text plan, but in theory I have to agree with my husband.

But it’s not the devices that are evil. It’s the way they’re used. My high school physics teacher once asked us if science was good or evil. My class concluded that it depends how you use it. Media is the same way. We have to teach our kids to handle it.

I’ve compromised a lot of my principles with my kids. They drink juice. When I direct them, I sometimes close with, “Okay?” Rose has a coven of Barbies. But from what I’ve seen with our houseguest, I’ve got to stand firm on limiting media.

I’ve already lost the first battle. I said that my kids would never play video games. Then I married a gamer. Rose plays Wii and the other day she was so cute singing with Rock Band that I didn’t really mind. But she and her father play video games maybe once a month. I have more of a problem with her infatuation with Disney princesses.

Both kids definitely watch more TV than the recommended daily allowance, but they only watch kid TV about an hour a day, then the programming is ours and they don’t pay much attention. Sometimes I let Rose watch extra “Dora the Explorer” episodes, either after a nap or because I need more computer time. But as annoying as Dora is, the loud little Latina is teaching my daughter Spanish, so I let her slide. I rationalize it further knowing that I watched a lot of TV, and I always had great grades and original thoughts.

The rest of our screen time is what we have to work on. Rose has multiple pretend cell phones, and a Barbie laptop, which, I might mention, works very well to keep her away from mine. But my husband and I both work on computers. I work at home and he works overtime at home at night. I usually turn off my computer by the time I pick the kids up, but I must admit that I’m addicted to email and besides that, I have to keep up with my editors’ questions should they arise after my workday ends. So I check email on my phone. I also use it for grocery lists, appointments, and keeping track of tasks, so the kids see me using it a lot. Rose even knows how to get into it and play “Bubble Breaker.”

The other thing we have to remember is that our children are not our visitor. Rose already has a lot of social contact, and I might add, is quite popular, at preschool. Plus, as a writer, I can’t help but encourage her creativity, whether it comes in the form of an outlandish story (my favorite) or art or “music” on her ukelele.

It all comes down to how we raise them. Our visitor has made us hyper-aware of the dangers of media accessibility and saturation. Now that we’ve seen his extreme example, we can thank him for inspiring us to be better parents.